22-year-old Shanaya (name changed) started dating 20-year-old Aarav (name changed) four months ago. They met on a dating app, which is quite common these days, and seemed to be a perfect match for each other, at least that’s what their friends thought. However, their relationship ended recently. As we hear, the problem was that Aarav was reluctant to make their relationship “Instagram official”.

Why do relationships seem so fragile these days, that they can’t even tolerate small things like posting about each other on social media? Or is this just a reflection of how relationship dynamics are evolving in today’s digital age?

india today We spoke to relationship experts to get a deeper insight into this new norm that has a profound impact on relationships.

Why has it become important to make it official on social media?

There is no denying the fact that in the current digital age, social media plays an integral role in our lives. If you are not a part of any social media handle, you will be judged and your intelligence will be questioned, and people may go to the extent of calling you a “slut” for not being involved in things that they think are right and good.

Dr Chandni Tugnait, psychotherapist and founder-director of Gateway of Healing, says, “For some individuals, appearing on their partner’s social media is not just a form of public acknowledgement, but a digital declaration of commitment. This visibility can act as a buffer against insecurities, providing tangible evidence of the relationship’s importance. Furthermore, in an increasingly interconnected world, such posts can serve as a means of social integration, seamlessly weaving one’s relationship into one’s broader social narrative.”

However, relationship expert and author Shahzeen Shivdasani His opinion is completely different and he believes that giving recognition on social media is an exaggeration and it is best to keep it private.

“There is a lot of importance placed on validation on social media. It’s good to be private and let people know less about your life. The more people know, the more drama there will be. So, it’s good to protect the things that matter to you,” she says.

“But if your partner is very active on social media but doesn’t post anything about you, this can make you feel like he or she is trying to hide you. It’s important to make sure you don’t feel this way,” she adds.

Is this a red flag?

Is it a red flag if your partner doesn’t post about you? Experts say if your partner is unwilling to post about their relationship on social media, it’s not necessarily a red flag, but context is important.

“If a reluctance to post about your partner on social media is accompanied by other troubling behaviors or inconsistencies (lying, hiding things, leaving the room to make phone calls), this may warrant further investigation,” says Dr. Tugnet.

A person who doesn’t take an active interest in posting their life on social media may not feel the need to talk about the person they are dating online. However, it is a problem when they share every minute update but choose to keep you out of the picture on most occasions or don’t feel comfortable sharing who they are with you. This is a big red flag.

Delhi-based software engineer Ankit (name changed) was engaged to Aparna, an influencer (name changed). However, after the engagement, he refrained from posting pictures of the event or acknowledging their close relationship on Facebook or Instagram. When this led to frequent fights between them, he finally opened up, saying that posting pictures with his fiancée on social media would affect his fan following.

Ankit and Aparna are now separated.

The impact of social media on relationship dynamics and trust

Due to social media, trust in relationships can both strengthen and diminish.

“The constant presence of partners’ online activities can lead to insecurity and jealousy, particularly when interactions with others are misinterpreted. In addition, the curated nature of social media posts can create unrealistic expectations, leading to comparisons with idealized versions of other relationships,” says Dr. Tugnet.

“On the other hand, transparency in online behaviour can foster trust,” she adds.

Although exact numbers are hard to determine, experts believe that social media is responsible for approximately one in every ten breakups that occur among young people between the ages of 18 and 35.

Why does it bother you if you don’t post?

Shahzeen Shivdasani reiterated that communication is very important in any relationship and if there is no communication, the relationship can break. She also said that not sharing or posting about your partner does not mean there is trouble in paradise.

Tanmay Garg, who has been in a steady relationship for the past six years, says, “Some people are superstitious and want to protect their relationship and not spoil it. So, they don’t post about their relationship. Once things are firmed up and take tangible shape, then they feel comfortable making their relationship official on social media.”

“If you’re upset that your partner isn’t posting about you on social media, think about why it makes you upset,” says Dr. Tugnett. “Try talking to your partner about your feelings honestly and without confrontation. Express your thoughts calmly, but also consider their reasons for not posting. They may like their privacy or have a professional issue you haven’t addressed.”

Memorization

Social media presence does not define the quality of a relationship. Instead, focus on real-life aspects such as how your partner treats you, supports you, and shows affection in person. If these elements are strong, try to find a balance that respects both your need for recognition and their comfort level with social media sharing.