Don’t know how to handle a complicated relationship? Not sure how to get that big promotion at work? Confused between two car models and which one to buy? Want to improve your investment portfolio but not sure how to do so? Such situations and many others often lead us to seek advice from people we trust.

This could be a close friend, colleague, cousin, acquaintance or even a parent. But the advice you get from them may not be right for you. If you fail to recognize the wrong advice, it can lead to some dire consequences or make a difficult decision even more difficult. Even though the wrong advice is not necessarily given with bad intentions, it can further damage your relationship with that person.

We bring you expert-approved tips that will help you stay away from bad advice:

First, be clear on what you need

The first step to avoiding bad advice is to be clear about your needs. Do you want someone to talk to to discuss options for solving a problem, seek advice from someone as a friend, or guidance/coaching from someone to help you get through a situation? It is important to be very clear about your problem and expectations to the advice giver.

Be prepared to explain the whole scenario and think about questions before taking them to the counselor.

Listen to your body and intuition when receiving advice. If you feel yourself tensing up or resisting, it could mean the advice isn’t right for you, or the person giving the advice is challenging your assumptions. So, take time to check in with yourself to see if that’s the case.

Find out if they’re interested in it

The best way to know if someone is giving you the wrong advice is to understand if they are engaging with the whole scenario. If they ask questions to understand your goals and where you are coming from, that is a green flag.

People who give bad advice assume most things and immediately jump to their suggestions about what they should have done in a particular situation. They don’t make a deep effort to find out if you have the bandwidth or resources to do what they could.

David Eddy, an advice columnist, said, “You want someone who will go deep into the problem with you and take the time to understand the nature of it.” reader’s Digest (March 2023 India Issue)

However, it would also be wrong to assume that the person giving your advice is selfish. When and where you meet someone for advice also matters. Make sure there is enough space for in-depth discussion. For example, asking someone your questions at a party may not be the best idea. The person giving your advice will also need time and space to ask appropriate questions.

Do they understand you?

When it comes to giving and receiving advice, a one size fits all approach doesn’t work. People come from different backgrounds and have different values, philosophies and financial situations.

When the person giving advice thinks that what is best for him will work for you too, his advice may not be very helpful to you. Moreover, it may even backfire.

Red flags

Dr Sukriti Rex, principal psychologist and researcher at mental health platform Evolve, shares a list of signs that can help you spot bad advice:

• Not optimized for you: Good advice is tailored to your unique situation. Be wary if it’s general or based on their own experience that may not apply to you.
• He talks but does not listen: A good advisor asks questions to understand your situation. If they simply give their opinion without understanding the details, their advice may be off target.
• Focus on the result, not the process: Sustainable solutions involve a thoughtful process. If advice only talks about the end result and doesn’t consider the steps to get there, it may be unrealistic.

Remember to trust yourself

Ultimately, the decision is yours. “Even good advice should be weighed against your research and your intuition,” says Dr. Rex. So, you have to trust yourself.

Asking someone for advice can help you see different aspects of a situation and multiple outcomes. But in the end, it is you who has to make the decision. As the common saying goes, ‘Take advice from many people, but follow your own advice’.

So, trust your intuition. When asking for advice, pay attention to the questions the person giving the advice asks as they try to understand the situation. Those questions can help you gain the perspective you need to make a choice.

And when someone comes to you for advice, make sure to do the following things:

• Understand the situation: Ask them questions to get the full picture. What efforts have they made? What are their goals and concerns?
• Accept your limitations: If you don’t have direct experience with their situation, be upfront. “I haven’t faced this situation myself, but…”
• Focus on empowering them: Don’t dictate. Offer your advice as suggestions or possibilities. “Have you considered…?”
• Be transparent about your experiences: Clarify if your advice is based on personal experience, but acknowledge that it may not be a universal solution.