POV: It’s just another day, and you’re scrolling through Facebook to take a little break from work. As you scroll through to find out what’s going on in your acquaintances’ lives and read some interesting posts while ignoring the many ads for products you’ve talked about with your friends or that you have a particular interest in, you come across a friend suggestion.

As soon as you see the name and his profile picture, it all instantly reminds you of the day you heard about his death. You feel uneasy and remember the emotions that overcame you at that moment. It was a mixture of shock, disbelief and a deep sense of loss. Your fingers hesitate on the ‘Add Friend’ button.

As your mind races, you wonder why their profile is still active. And why is Facebook, which is an AI-powered platform, bringing this inactive profile back into the spotlight? You think, ‘Why can’t Facebook fix the algorithm and bother us with such notifications?’

This story is not just a fantasy, but a reality that many Facebook users experience. The nuances of such instances can be very serious for many people, especially those who are grieving the death of a loved one.

Effects on mental health

It is certainly not a pleasant feeling to be notified to wish a happy birthday to someone who died five years ago. Similarly, it is not a pleasant feeling to not have a pending friend request from your cousin who died an untimely death a decade ago. Whenever you see that pending request, the thought of accepting or rejecting it makes you anxious.

Speaking about the digital presence and how such instances can affect people, Anandita Vaghani, founder and mental health therapist at Mumbai-based clinic Unfix Your Feelings, says, “For individuals going through the early stages of grief, coping with this digital archive can be challenging. Constant reminders of the person they have lost can lead to frequent revisiting and contemplating, which can increase feelings of sadness, longing, and grief. This constant exposure to memories can increase the sense of loss, making the grieving process more intense and emotionally overwhelming.”

However, experts also agree that a deceased person’s social media profile often becomes an open diary where loved ones gather to share memories and cherish the person’s life, but it can also complicate the process of dealing with the loss.

“For some people, these profiles can provide a sense of connection and comfort, making them feel closer to the deceased. Viewing the profile of a lost loved one can be a way for them to connect and find comfort, making them feel closer to the departed,” says Absy Sam, a Mumbai-based counselling psychologist.

But she also says, “The process of grieving and coping with loss is complex and can be made even more difficult or overwhelming when one learns about the deceased person repeatedly, even sporadically. This can hinder one’s ability to accept and process the loss, potentially leading to a prolonged state of grief and bereavement.”

Memorialization and Facebook’s AI promise

Currently, Facebook allows users to request that the profiles of deceased individuals be memorialized or removed. This process requires certain documents, such as a death certificate or obituary.

A memorialized account is a place where friends and family gather to share memories after someone has passed away. The word ‘Remembering’ appears next to the person’s name on the profile.

Memorialized profiles do not appear in public places such as suggestions for ‘People you may know’, ads, or birthday reminders. Depending on the account’s privacy settings, friends may share memories on a memorialized profile.

However, many people are not aware of these options, and others may find this task inconvenient.

Now, Facebook, which uses machine learning to examine data and understand user behavior (both on and off Facebook) to provide personalized experiences and advertising, can certainly incorporate AI to detect profiles of deceased individuals.

In 2019, the social media platform’s then-chief operating officer Sheryl Sandberg announced “improved AI to prevent a deceased loved one’s profile from appearing in a painful way.”

“If an account hasn’t been memorialized yet, we use AI to prevent it from appearing in places that might cause disruption, like recommending invites to events or reminding friends about birthdays. We’re working to make this better and faster,” he wrote.

Five years later, including a global pandemic that killed more than 7 million people, Facebook is clearly struggling with AI in this landscape.

When asked for comment, a Facebook representative simply shared this link to a help page titled “About Memorialized Accounts.”

In the meantime, mental health experts are offering a number of tips for avoiding and managing social media-induced triggers related to the deceased.

Ways to deal with triggers

“We can’t wrap the world in bubble wrap to prevent triggers, but we can learn to deal with grief and pain. Grief means we lost a loved one. Take some time to feel that pain and miss that person,” says Manasi Poddar, a trauma-informed psychotherapist, who also agrees that a deceased person’s social media presence can keep people stuck in feelings of grief and prevent them from moving on.

Absy Sam recommends:

• Limiting the Risk: Control when and how often you see reminders using features like block, mute, hide, or unfollow.
• Practicing mindfulness and grounding techniques: Practice mindfulness and grounding techniques, such as meditation or deep breathing, to help manage immediate emotional reactions.
• Paying respects to the deceased: Find a way to honor the deceased in a respectful way. This could be by lighting a candle, writing a journal, visiting a meaningful place, or participating in activities they enjoyed. This helps create a sense of connection.
• Taking a break from social media: Limit your time on social media to relieve yourself of the constant reminders.

If triggers persist and significantly impact your daily life, it may be beneficial to seek professional guidance from a therapist who specializes in grief and loss.

Mental health experts say platforms like Facebook must take action to avoid upsetting people with insensitive information.

“They may implement algorithms or tools that can detect and manage sensitive content related to deceased individuals, such as preventing old posts from reappearing prominently in the timeline or suggesting deceased users in the ‘People You May Know’ feature,” says Anandita Vaghani.