- In Japan, a growing number of people are adopting ‘friendship marriages’ – partnerships where individuals choose to live together and marry ideal friends rather than romantic partners. Can this concept gain popularity in India too?
- What is friendship marriage?
- Why are people marrying their friends in Japan?
- Is friendly marriage a good idea?
- Can they be a hit in India?
Can Japan’s friendship weddings be a hit in India too?
In Japan, a growing number of people are adopting ‘friendship marriages’ – partnerships where individuals choose to live together and marry ideal friends rather than romantic partners. Can this concept gain popularity in India too?
in short
- Friendship marriages are gaining popularity in Japan
- Sex and romance are missing in such marriages
- These are especially attractive to asexual and homosexual individuals.
“Love is friendship.” This is what Shah Rukh Khan’s Rahul said in ‘Kuch Kuch Hota Hai’, which made us believe that friendship is the foundation of a romantic relationship. Meanwhile, Japan has gone one step further… converting friendships straight into marriages – without love involved.
Friendship marriage is emerging as a popular trend in Japan’s dating scene, a country already struggling with steady population decline.
In 2023, Japan’s total population declined for the 15th consecutive year, falling by more than half a million people as the population aged and the birth rate remained low. The marriage rate also remains low. The number of marriages fell below 5,00,000 in 2023, which is the first time since the 1930s.
Amidst this, friendship marriage has entered the landscape – an arrangement that does not involve sex or romance. It’s like marrying a roommate. Partners become legal spouses, but are free to pursue other relationships and may choose not to have children. If they decide to have children, procedures such as artificial insemination and IVF may be involved.
What is friendship marriage?
“Friendship marriage does not mean marrying your best friend or being motivated by romantic love; Instead, they focus on sharing life with a partner who has similar values and interests. The aim is companionship, where two people can enjoy spending time together, share responsibilities like household chores and finances, and aid each other’s growth both personally and professionally,” the Delhi-based Psychologist and marriage counselor Dr. Nisha Khanna explains.
According to Coloras, an agency specializing in friendly marriages, such couples extensively discuss living arrangements, finances, household chores and even allocation of fridge space before setting out on this unconventional marital journey. Since 2015, the agency reports that they have facilitated approximately 500 marriages, with some of these couples also co-parenting children.
The average person participating in a ‘friendship marriage’ is 32.5 years old, well-educated and financially strong.
Why are people marrying their friends in Japan?
Friendship marriages particularly attract asexual individuals and homosexuals. Same-sex marriages are not yet legal in Japan, and asexual individuals who desire a partner may also benefit from such arrangements.
Additionally, Japan provides tax as well as health insurance benefits to married couples. Married couples in Japan can benefit from the spousal tax deduction, which effectively reduces the taxable income of the higher-earning spouse if the lower-earning spouse earns less than a specified threshold.
The concept of friendship marriage also helps couples deal with social pressure.
Many reports have shown that many young Japanese are reluctant to marry or create a family due to the high cost of living and tough work culture in big cities. Friendship marriages can provide financial partnership and support while keeping loneliness and isolation at bay. For your information, 37,227 people living alone in their homes died in Japan in the first half of 2024.
Is friendly marriage a good idea?
Even though relationship experts agree that friendship is a solid foundation for marriage, they say that the absence of love and physical intimacy can eventually become a problem.
“Marrying a friend can provide many benefits. A pre-existing emotional foundation, shared values, and a deep understanding of (and accepting) each other’s individuality can create a more stable, peaceful, and lasting relationship. With clear communication, respect and trust, it can make the relationship even stronger,” says Delhi-based relationship expert Ruchi Ruh.
“However, since the romantic and sexual angle is mostly missing, it can create problems if one partner starts wanting something outside of this bond. Even with acceptance and clear communication, it can create complications or even stress. These are some aspects that both partners should talk about and agree upon before entering into a long-term committed relationship,” she adds.
Meanwhile, Dr. Nisha Khanna says that emotional and mental complications can arise when one person desires a physical relationship and the other does not. This imbalance can lead to further difficulties, such as a partner seeking satisfaction outside the marriage, posing a risk for STIs.
“The future of such relationships, especially when children are involved, remains uncertain. Complex family dynamics can create challenges for children’s understanding of identity and their family structure,” says Khanna.
However, it also has many benefits, such as emotional support, shared finances and chores – without compromising personal needs and freedom.
Can they be a hit in India?
Experts say that although India is deeply rooted in family values and the institution of traditional marriage is likely to persist, the trend of friendship marriage may still take hold and emerge as a practical solution for many.
“In India, many people do not want children anymore. The concept of friendship marriage can help such people,” says Dr Khanna.
“Although we did not have a name for this arrangement, such marriages already exist in India – especially among LGBTQ individuals, who marry due to pressure from society and parents. People who are asexual or do not want to openly talk about their homosexuality in society can get emotional support and companionship from dosti matrimony,” says Dr Khanna.
However, it is important to be consistent in terms of emotional and physical needs.
“Friendship marriage can be a viable alternative to traditional relationships when both partners prioritize emotional connection and companionship. But they can be more challenging if one partner has higher physical needs,” says Dr Khanna.
If this aspect can be sorted out, experts say friendship marriage can be a “beautiful thing”.
“Friendship-based marriages can provide valuable emotional support. This is especially important for people who feel socially excluded, such as members of the LGBTQ+ community. When partners provide mutual emotional support, it can essentially be good for their personal and professional growth,” says Dr. Khanna says.
Due to the increasing focus on mental health, friendly marriage may also become a trend in India.
“As mental health awareness grows and people increasingly understand and explore alternative ways of pairing, India may see a gradual shift towards alternative marriage models. We have already seen a steady increase in people abandoning traditional norms and becoming more spontaneous in their relationships. “Friendship marriage is not a far-fetched idea, and many people are already marrying their friends because of emotional stability,” says Ruchi Ruh.
Many couples in India marry with the intention of having children. However, for those who do not want to take the path of parenthood, these ideal marriages can be a good option.
“The saying ‘It’s better to know the devil you know than the devil you don’t’ applies here. This is one reason why some people prefer to have a relationship with someone they already know rather than a stranger And whether this option is healthy for you or not depends on the personalities and dynamics of the two people involved, says Dr. Khanna.
