When you have a child around, it is common to see that they become upset or angry when they do not get what they want. A simple wish can quickly turn to anger, crying and screaming when it is not fulfilled. But when their wishes are fulfilled, a big smile appears on their face.

Parenting isn’t easy, and parents often find themselves criticized no matter what they do. If they give in to their child’s demands, they are accused of spoiling them. If they refuse, they are labeled as heartless or careless.

But the question here is, should parents give in to their child’s stubbornness and anger, or is there a better way to deal with these moments?

strong display of anger

Ahmedabad-based psychiatrist Dr. Sarthak Dave explains India Today Children become stubborn and express their anger loudly because they internalize the behavior around them and accept them as normal. If they often see their parents displaying anger or reacting loudly, they learn to repeat this behavior, considering it acceptable.

He explains, “At an early age, their id – the innate drive to fulfill their desires – is very strong, while their ego (logical reasoning) and superego (moral understanding) are still underdeveloped and grow stronger with age and experience. grow up. When children want something, they struggle to think logically or anticipate the consequences of their actions. If they don’t get what they want, they feel upset and express it in ways that what they learned from their environment Are.

Additionally, if they have gotten what they wanted by acting out before, this behavior becomes reinforced and encourages them to repeat it.

Additionally, Mumbai-based child psychologist and parenting counselor Riddhi Doshi Patel tells us that children may be stubborn or assertive because they do not yet have the words or skills to express their feelings or because they feel neglected or misunderstood by adults. Let’s go.

She mentions that these outbursts are their way of dealing with emotions they cannot fully control or explain.

According to Patel, while children learn from their surroundings and often imitate their parents, stubbornness is also a natural part of development as children learn to assert themselves. This does not mean that the parents are always to blame.

What does this stubbornness say about your child?

Stubbornness, anger, and quick reactions are often the child’s way of acting out due to their limited ability to handle emotions and distress.

“These behaviors indicate that the child is not yet developing the emotional tools needed to cope effectively. If such reactions are not addressed or discouraged, they may develop as primitive defense mechanisms. may be underlying, suggesting that the child’s emotional development is not progressing as it should,” says Dr. Dave.

Meanwhile, Patel thinks stubbornness and anger are traits of a child:

• Seeking attention, understanding, or control.
• You may be feeling overwhelmed, insecure, or unsure how to handle a situation.
• Are in a stage of development where they are learning to test boundaries and establish independence.

effects on mental health

According to experts, if left unchecked, persistent anger and stubbornness can lead to problems later in life such as difficulty managing emotions, strained relationships with peers and family, and increased feelings of depression or anxiety.

What should you do as a parent?

Dr. Sajila Maini, senior consultant, department of psychiatry and behavioral sciences, Sir Ganga Ram Hospital, Delhi, says that parents should not give in to their child’s stubbornness and anger, as this will make the child more stubborn and their anger will get worse. The level will also reduce. Multiply.

Parents should ensure that they are not rewarding such behaviour. By rewarding them you are encouraging stubbornness and anger and this will only increase the tantrums.

While Riddhi Doshi Patel agrees, he mentions that this does not mean that parents should ignore their child’s feelings. Instead, they should acknowledge their child’s feelings, set clear and consistent boundaries, and remain calm while avoiding getting involved in power struggles.

On this, Dr. Sarthak Dave says that parents should give priority to guiding their children towards healthy ways of expressing their needs and help them move from immature defense mechanisms to more mature ones. Teaching effective and creative communication methods is important for their emotional development.

To deal with a difficult situation, you…

• keep calm: Children are often the mirror of your feelings. Responding calmly can help defuse the situation.
• accept their feelings: Show empathy by saying, “I see you’re upset. Do you want to talk about it?”
• set clear boundaries: Be consistent with rules and consequences. Children feel more secure when they know what to expect.
• offer options: Giving children small choices helps them feel in control, reducing the need for stubborn behavior.
• teach problem-solving skills: Encourage them to use words to express their feelings or brainstorm solutions together.
• ideal healthy behavior: Show them how to handle disappointment calmly. For example, say, “I also feel frustrated sometimes, and I take deep breaths to help.”