We all must have had this curiosity once Neighbour The aunty who turns detective the moment she sees us talking to someone of the opposite sex.

Then there’s the ever-annoying neighbor who finds fault with everything, be it loud music or too many trees and plants.

And, of course, we can’t forget those neighbors who are always ready to fight over the slightest of things.

We all have a love-hate relationship with our neighbors. They may drive us crazy, but they are the ones who lend us a cup of sugar when times are tough.

But what can you do when these neighbors start bothering you? If you are thinking the same, seek the help of experts and get help in dealing with this difficult situation.

getting irritated very quickly

“People often get irritated with their neighbours for various reasons. One of the major reasons is the stress and overwork resulting from the fast-paced nature of modern life, which can increase stress levels and reduce patience, making people more prone to irritation,” said Kajri Korde, a Pune-based psychologist. india today,

Besides, Dr Neerja Agarwal, a Gurugram-based psychologist and co-founder of mental health startup Emoneeds, says that the stress of work and the chaos of running a household make people lose patience with problems.

“In densely populated areas, proximity and frequent interactions with neighbors can magnify minor annoyances. Noise, perceived invasion of privacy, and differing lifestyles can cause significant stress, especially when individuals have little time to relieve stress,” she says.

Is this an urban problem?

Life in small towns and urban areas is indeed quite different. Urban life is more fast-paced compared to the calm pace of small towns. Dr. Agarwal explains that this problem is more pronounced in urban areas.

“In urban settings, people often prioritise privacy and personal space, while in smaller towns there is a greater emphasis on maintaining social bonds,” says Kajari Korde.

Those living in smaller cities generally have more time and are more inclined to form and maintain social relationships. They also have more space and fewer close neighbors, reducing the likelihood of frequent conflicts. On the other hand, after a busy day in an urban environment, people often seek a secluded and private place to relax and rejuvenate. Such a life often leads to isolation and a lack of meaningful community contact, making people more vulnerable to minor annoyances.

And, this need for ‘me time’ can lead to less involvement in each other’s lives compared to living in smaller towns.

However, Korde believes that this does not mean that urban living is problematic. While people in urban areas respect each other’s space, they still come together for social events and gatherings and are willing to help each other when needed, without intruding on personal boundaries.

Meanwhile, Dr Murali Krishna, senior consultant, psychiatry department, Aster RV Hospital, Bengaluru, says the problem may be aggravated by urbanisation leading to increased population density and proximity to residential spaces, but fights between neighbours can happen in any situation.

Effects on mental health

Petty squabbles with your neighbours not only waste your time and make you angry, but it can also have a negative impact on your mental health.

Kajri Korde explains that such conflicts can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, sleep disturbances and social isolation. It can also lead to sudden changes in appetite, leading to increased or decreased food intake.

Dr Neerja Agarwal says, “The feeling of living in a hostile environment can also reduce your overall quality of life, leading to feelings of helplessness and frustration. Social connections are important for mental health, and negative relationships with neighbours can erode the sense of safety and community, which is essential for mental health.”

Dealing with neighbors

• CommunicationsDr. Murali Krishna suggests that it is important to communicate calmly and respectfully to address issues directly. Choose a time when you are not upset and express your concerns using ‘I’ statements to avoid sounding accusatory.
• active listening“Listen to your neighbour without interrupting. Understanding their point of view can help in reaching a compromise,” says Kajri Korde.
• set boundariesClearly communicate your boundaries and expectations to avoid any future conflict. Be clear, direct, and consistent.
• Involve a mediatorIf direct communication fails, involve a neutral third party, such as another neighbour or the society secretary, to resolve the issue.
• Find common groundFind solutions that work for both parties.
• Seek legal helpDr. Neerja Agarwal says, “If the neighbour’s behaviour is violating the law or rules, seek legal advice as a last resort.”

Changes you should make

• Have realistic expectationsAccept that living in close proximity to others will inevitably lead to some disturbances and adjust your expectations accordingly.
• Improving communicationDevelop effective communication skills to address issues constructively and prevent situations from escalating.
• Work on patience and empathyPractice meditation, relaxation techniques, and mindfulness techniques.
• Consider your behaviorConsider whether any of your actions are contributing to the conflict and make adjustments if necessary.
• Understand human behaviorUnderstand that each person has their own challenges and stresses that can influence their behavior.
• Prioritize self-care and stress managementReducing personal frustration and increasing overall well-being can make it easier to handle potential conflicts calmly.
• Create a positive atmosphereFocus on creating a peaceful and positive home environment that can act as a buffer against outside stressors.