No sugar, no packaged food, no screen time and bedtime at 7pm; This is considered perfect parenting. Or at least, social media is telling us it should be. Between the perfect lunch box and endless Instagram reels of influencers introducing new parenting styles, the idea of ​​”perfect parenting” has turned into a goal everyone feels they should achieve.

But does parenting really need to be perfect? Falling asleep once in a while for an extra chapter of a storybook, or letting your child enjoy a slice of cake at a celebration, won’t harm their development. In fact, these small moments of flexibility often turn into the most treasured memories.

The truth is that maintaining the image of an ideal parent can be taxing not only for the parent but also for the child. The pressure to get everything right, all the time, leaves little room for happiness, mistakes, or real connection.

So, should we really pursue perfection in parenting, or Is it just a carefully crafted myth What have we been taught to believe?

Dr. Divya Sri KR, consultant, psychiatry, Aster CMI Hospital, Bengaluru, explains India today That perfection in parenting is a carefully constructed myth. “Many people believe that good parents should always be patient, loving, and make the right choices. But in real life, no parent can be right all the time.”

The doctor explained, “This idea of ​​perfect parenting often comes from books, social media, or society’s high expectations. It makes parents feel guilty when they make mistakes. The truth is, parenting is a learning journey.

The belief in perfect parenting puts a lot of pressure on parents and takes away the joy of raising a child.

Apart from this, Dr. Sonali Chaturvedi, consultant, psychology, Arete Hospitals, Hyderabad, shares that parents often compare their parenting with others and feel inadequate.

“They constantly think about how they could have done things differently and worry about being judged. In the process, they begin to feel disconnected from their children.”

When parents chase perfection, they miss the opportunity to make real connections and enjoy their child’s growing years.

comparison net

According to Mimansa Singh Tanwar, Clinical Psychologist, Fortis Memorial Research Institute, Gurugram, the problem arises when parents start feeling pressure to conform to an ideal image of an ideal parent.

“This pressure can lead to self-doubt, lack of confidence, and anxiety. Sometimes it even pushes parents to take extreme measures, such as over-scheduling their child’s activities, constantly monitoring their progress, or setting unrealistic expectations.”

Tanwar noted that the stress parents experience while trying to live up to this “perfect parent” image is often transferred to their children.

“Due to constant comparison and idealization, parents lose touch with their own instincts, the way they feel and the connection they have with their child,” says Riddhi Doshi Patel, Mumbai-based child psychologist and parenting counselor.

She says, “You’re going against your own nature, adopting things that don’t feel right to you. Then how can your parenting feel right? Instead of embracing your child’s uniqueness, growth, and individuality, you begin to set yourself by standards.”

And when you don’t meet those unrealistic standards, it increases stress, affects emotional health, and can even lead to burnout or depression.

The image of perfect parents is dangerous

Patel noted that the pressure to be the perfect parent doesn’t just affect adults. Parents who constantly judge themselves for not being perfect also judge their children.

“I once had a 12-year-old client, the child of a famous influencer, tell me, ‘I don’t like my mom. I can’t cry, be happy, or even get low points. I can’t be myself. If I cry, my friends say no, but your mom says you’re such a good kid!’ This is the kind of damage that an ideal image can cause;

Dr. Sree agrees that it affects the child as well. “Children may feel pressure to be perfect, or feel like they are the reason their parent is stressed. If a parent is always worried or sad, the child may pick up on those feelings. This may lead to low self-esteem or anxiety in the child.”

The doctor said, “A healthy parent-child bond does not require love, patience, understanding, and perfection. Letting go of the perfect image helps both parent and child feel more relaxed, accepted, and happy in their relationship.”

blame social media

Experts think social media has made toxic perfectionism worse. It only reflects the best moments, and it creates a false image of perfect parenting, causing others to compare themselves and feel inadequate.

You don’t see the mess, the mistakes, or the difficult moments, so it seems like everyone else has it easy.

Tanwar says this can make parents feel like they’re not doing enough, adding to their guilt and resentment. This guilt-driven parenting often leads to emotional burnout and can affect the parent-child bond.

Will I ever be good enough?

Patel tells us that the moment a parent starts asking this question, it’s actually the first step to self-awareness, realizing that this mindset is harming both them and their child.

“The next step is to seek help, professional guidance, or community support. Surround yourself with people who love you, not judge. Focus on what’s working, not what’s missing. Join real parenting communities, talk openly about struggles, and remember that what you see online is not reality.”

When parenting comes with guilt

Dr. According to Sree, when parents act out of guilt, they may try too hard to please their child or avoid saying “no,” even when needed. This can lead to poor boundaries and confusion for the child.

Children cannot learn to handle disappointment or understand boundaries. For parents, guilt can cause stress, anxiety, and burnout. They may feel like they have always failed, which reduces their confidence and happiness.

Meanwhile, Dr. Chaturvedi shared, “When a parent is guilt-driven, the child absorbs the same patterns. This pushes the child towards emotional and mental stress. The life of a child raised by a perfectionist parent can be deeply stressful, filled with expectations that leave little room for emotional freedom.”

Guilt can also make parenting feel like a burden rather than a joy. Over time, this weakens the parent-child bond. Children don’t need perfect parents, but they do need honest, loving ones who guide them with care.

“Guilt-driven parenting is deeply damaging to both parent and child. When parents constantly try to fit into an imaginary frame of perfection, they ignore their own needs and feelings. Over time the bottles of constant self-criticism can become harsh toward themselves or those around them. Guilt parenting doesn’t work;

Ditching the guilt allows parents to make better choices, feel more relaxed, and build a healthy relationship with their child based on trust, not pressure or fear.

give up perfection

It all starts with acceptance. You must understand that every parent makes mistakes, and it is part of learning.

Tanwar says, “Recognize and accept your uniqueness as a parent, as well as your child’s individuality. Understand your strengths and limitations, and accept that every child has his or her own pace and personality.”

Dr. For SRI, you should focus on what works best for your child and your family. Trust your instincts and allow room for growth.

“Take care of your own mental and emotional health, because a calm and happy parent supports a happy child.”

To this end, Patel says you should focus on building a bond and creating a safe space for you and your baby.

take away

In the race to be the perfect parent, you not only harm yourself but also your child. This toxic trap can also prevent you from enjoying your unique journey.

Instead of aiming for perfection, focus on being present, caring, and open to learning. Remember that true success in parenting isn’t about flawless routines; It’s about raising kind, confident and healthy children, showing love, setting boundaries, and being there when your child needs you.