Breakups hurt. But when you break up with a close friend, it hurts your heart even more.

Like every relationship, friendships can go through their cracks and eventually break. Maybe your friend started dating your ex-boyfriend, you found out about their plans to settle abroad only after they reached there, or maybe you refused to let them go to a special event for some specific reason which hurt them a lot.

We’ve all been through this situation – hurt feelings, misunderstandings, or simply cracks forming over time. When these beloved relationships break, they bring with them feelings of loneliness, guilt, and bitterness. But some friendships are so special that long after things have worn off, you may find yourself thinking about that special friend.

On good and bad days, that person comes to your mind, and you imagine spending some time with him or her again. Do you have that person in mind as you read this? Chances are you would like to give that friendship another chance and welcome that friend back into your life.

However, repairing a broken friendship can be a bit difficult. But the good news is that it is not impossible.

Are they worth it?

The first and most important thing is to know if the friendship is worth repairing. Manasi Poddar, a trauma-informed psychotherapist, suggests asking yourself a few questions: ‘Do you miss them?’ ‘Did the good times outweigh the bad?’ ‘Did they make you a better person?’

“If the friendship was positive and gratifying, and the reason for the break wasn’t too serious, it may be worth trying to repair it,” says Poddar.

• Relationship counsellor Ruchi Ruh shares some additional questions that will help you understand if the friend you want to mend your relationship with is worth it:
• Consider the positive aspects of the friendship and what they mean to you. Ask yourself if this small mistake is worth forgiving.
• Determine if the issues that caused the conflict are resolvable. Does this conflict shake your core values ​​as a person?
• Is your friend willing to put in the effort to repair the relationship? Repairing a friendship is possible if both people are committed to making it work.
• What is the pleasure vs. pain ratio here? Evaluate how the friendship affects your mental and emotional health. Does this friendship cause more stress and negativity? If yes, it is not worth improving.

To be honest, not all friendships can be saved.

Take the first step

Be clear in your mind about your role in the conflict and the main reasons. Before you talk to your friend to improve the situation, it is important that you take responsibility for your own actions and not put all the blame on them. Otherwise, things can get even worse.

So, take the first step. You can try to reach out to them by sending them a warm message or calling them. If you don’t get a positive response right away, give it some time. Maybe reach out again after a week or 10 days. Express your sincere desire to repair the friendship. Apologize sincerely and admit your mistakes instead of justifying your actions.

“Apologize sincerely for your role in the conflict without justifying your actions. Listen to their perspective and be open to an apology,” says Ruh.

“Express your feelings with ‘I’ statements and avoid blaming language,” says Poddar.

Instead of focusing solely on expressing your feelings, listen actively. “Acknowledge their feelings and try to understand their perspective,” says Poddar.

It takes time to rebuild trust. So, respect your friend’s boundaries. Show by your actions that you care. If they just got a promotion at work, leave them a heartfelt message.

Ask them to join you in things like a yoga session or a manicure session. Proceed slowly. Know that it will take time for things to get better. Don’t expect miracles overnight.

“Understand that relationships change a bit after a conflict and don’t expect them to suddenly forget about the past relationship,” says Ruh. “Rebuilding trust once broken will take time and effort. Talking about boundaries honestly can help you manage expectations.”

Some things to keep in mind

As you embark on the journey to repairing a friendship, there are a few things you need to be aware of:

• Be patient: “Healing takes time,” says Ruh. “Be patient with yourself and your friend.”
• Empathy: Try to understand your friend’s feelings and point of view.
• Consistency: Show that you are committed to repairing the friendship through consistent actions.
• Communication: Keep the lines of communication open. Honest communication can clear up misunderstandings quickly.
• Mutual effort: “Both parties must be willing to work on their friendship. It can’t be a one-way street,” says Ruchi Ruh.

Despite efforts, the friendship may never be the same again. “Don’t dwell on the past. If they need space, respect their choice. Focus only on what you can control,” suggests Manasi Poddar.

And, never forget, it’s a two-way street. If your efforts don’t yield any results, accept it, prioritize yourself, and let it go.