You started dating in school and managed to keep it going for a few years. Now, despite being together for so long and sharing countless ups and downs, taking this relationship forward feels like a task. Does this sound like the story of your life? You are definitely not alone.

While most high-school relationships quickly fizzle out, especially when college life takes them in different directions, even those that endure as time passes can eventually reach a standstill. Basically, because life happens. Although built on a strong foundation of friendship and genuine caring, high-school relationships become harder to manage when two partners move in different directions – this stage for some occurs during college or years after entering the professional world. Can come.

“High-school romances are special because they are often created in a unique environment where you meet your partner every day. This constant contact, combined with predictable, shared routines and experiences, creates a strong foundation of friendship and familiarity. These relationships often have emotional depth with care, comfort and learning during life’s ups and downs,” explains Ruchi Ruh, Delhi-based relationship counselor.

Meanwhile, Mumbai-based trauma-informed psychologist Absi Sam says such relationships may also reflect early attachment wounds or unfulfilled needs, which may surface as they transition into more complex adult dynamics.

Sam says, “It is important to understand that these relationships serve as foundational experiences, perhaps shaping how individuals understand emotional connection, intimacy, and conflict.”

Deep friendship, emotional connection, and comfort can keep high-school sweethearts together, even as they live lives with expanded horizons. However, chances are high that one or both partners may separate later.

Why?

“These relationships are often formed during periods of important emotional and neurological development. At that time, individuals are mostly discovering themselves – being exposed to new environments, ideas, and experiences that shape their identity. “These changes can lead to differences in values, goals, and interests between partners,” explains Sam.

“The same things that once strengthened the relationship – everyday closeness and emotional security – have become harder to maintain, giving rise to the classic ‘we’ve drifted apart’ scenario,” says Ruh.

As one is growing up and experiencing significant changes – new environments, career choices and social circles can lead to different paths.

“From an attachment and trauma-informed perspective, when young adults encounter these changes, past wounds or developmental differences may emerge. For example, if a partner’s core needs or attachment style change, or become more pronounced as they mature, this can create mismatched relationships or perhaps lead to conflict,” says Sam. .

When you fall in love with your high-school boyfriend, you don’t know his core values ​​yet. In reality, you are still discovering yourself and figuring out your expectations from a partner.

Even the internet agrees. A Reddit post discussing the possibility of high-school sweethearts getting married echoes this sentiment.

“It’s certainly possible, but difficult. In your late teens and early 20s, your brain is still developing, you’ll have a lot of new experiences, and you’ll go through significant life changes. It’s That means you’ll be growing and changing at an extremely fast pace. Things you had in common with your high-school boyfriend – including your level of maturity, outlook on life, and plans for the future – Those things may not happen in the next few years. It’s possible for two people to grow together and in the same direction and for everything to align perfectly, but it’s hard,” one Reddit user wrote.

But…they also thrive in successful marriages

Don’t forget that some high-school relationships eventually turn into successful marriages, too. And they can be quite strong. What does it take to take your bond to that level?

It is when the emotional connection is strong on both sides, and the couple evolves while keeping the friendship strong, that they manage to beat the odds and take this relationship to long-term success.

Ruchi Ruh says, “The key to making a successful high-school romance is to maintain that deep emotional connection and friendship, even as life changes.”

“Couples who succeed often carry with them a shared history, friends, and memories of growing up together. These provide them with resilience during the ups and downs of life,” she adds.

As a person moves through different stages of life, open communication and the ability to express vulnerabilities without fear of judgment is also important.

“Couples who learn to recognize and communicate their needs and desires, as well as support each other in processing these, can maintain closeness despite changes. Successful relationships often involve a mutual commitment to personal and relational growth, ensuring that as partners change their identities and goals, they remain curious, empathetic, and willing to grow together, “Sam says.

Add to that adaptability, mutual understanding, and a secure attachment through shared growth and life change, and chances are you’ll be sorted.