Simon Bosse, who wrote a candid account of living with cancer, died on July 15 at the age of 47. In a recent BBC interview, the former aid worker told the reporter: “My pain is under control and I’m very happy – it sounds strange to say, but I’m as happy as I’ve ever been in my life.”
It may seem strange that someone can be happy even when the end is near, but in my experience as a clinical psychologist working with people at the end of life, this is not uncommon.
Much research suggests that the fear of death is at the core of the human unconscious. William James, an American philosopher, called the knowledge that we must die the “root bug” of the human condition.
But a study in Psychological Science shows that people who have been close to death use more positive language to describe their experience than those who simply imagine death. This suggests that the experience of dying is more pleasant than we imagine—or at least less unpleasant.
In the BBC interview, Bose shared some insights that helped him accept his condition. He mentioned the importance of enjoying life and prioritizing meaningful experiences, suggesting that accepting death can increase our appreciation of life.
Despite the pain and hardships, Boas seemed cheerful and hoped his behavior would support his wife and parents in the difficult times to come.
Boas’ words echo those of the Roman philosopher Seneca who advised: “To live long depends neither on our years nor on our days, but on our minds.”
A more recent thinker who has expressed similar sentiments is the psychiatrist Viktor Frankl, who after surviving Auschwitz wrote Man’s Search for Meaning (1946), in which he laid the foundation for a form of existential psychotherapy aimed at finding meaning in any situation. Its most recent adaptation is meaning-focused psychotherapy, which offers people with cancer a way to improve their sense of meaning.
How is happiness and meaning related?
In two recent studies, in Palliative and Supportive Care and the American Journal of Hospice and Palliative Care, people approaching death were asked what happiness meant to them. Common themes in both studies were social connections, enjoying simple pleasures such as being in nature, keeping a positive mindset, and a shift in focus from seeking pleasure to seeking meaning and satisfaction as the disease progresses.
In my work as a clinical psychologist, I occasionally encounter people who have a similar approach to life as Boas – or who eventually adopt one. One person in particular comes to mind – let’s call him Johan.
The first time I met Johan, he came to the clinic alone, limping a little. We talked about life, interests, relationships and meaning. Johan seemed clear, articulate and clearly spoken.
The second time, he came on crutches. One of his legs had stopped working and he was not confident in his balance. He said it was frustrating to lose control of his leg, but he still hoped to cycle around Mont Blanc.
When I asked him what his worries were, he burst into tears. He said: “I won’t be able to celebrate my birthday next month.” We sat in silence for a while and understood the situation. It wasn’t the moment of death that bothered him the most, but it was all the things he wouldn’t be able to do again.
Johan came to our third meeting with the support of a friend who could no longer hold on to crutches. He told me that he had been watching cycling films with his friends. He had concluded that he could watch YouTube videos of other people cycling around Mont Blanc. He had also ordered a new, expensive mountain bike. “I wanted to buy it for a long time, but I didn’t have the money,” he said. “I can’t ride it, but thought it would be nice to have it in the living room.”
The fourth time he came, he came in a wheelchair. That was our last meeting. The bike had arrived; he had kept it near the sofa. There was one more thing he wanted to do.
“If by some miracle I survived this situation, I would like to volunteer at home care services – one or two shifts a week,” said Johan. “They work hard and sometimes it gets crazy, but they make a huge contribution. I wouldn’t be able to leave the apartment without them.”
My experience with patients suffering from life threatening illness is that it is possible to feel joy alongside sadness and other conflicting emotions. In one day, patients may feel gratitude, remorse, longing, anger, guilt, and relief – sometimes all at once. Facing the limits of existence can increase perspective and help a person appreciate life more than ever before.
,Author: Mattias Tranberg, Postdoctoral Research Associate, The Institute of Palliative Care, Lund University)
,disclosure statement: Mattias Tranberg does not work for, consult, hold shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond his academic appointment)
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
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