Imagine that you are on the first date with someone and when you are still eating that slices of pizza, they are already deep into a trauma dump. After exchanging basic pleasures and talking about work, preferred movies and deciding what to order, your date is going on through your childhood abandonment issues, a toxic pre -existing and an existential dreaded that maintains them at night.

Well, it is called floodlighting. This is when a person receives personal information very soon. The word has recently been creating a lot of discussion on social media. Experts have warned that this is a toxic relationship that should be dealt with smartly.

Why do people flood

A person can engage in floodlighting for several reasons: it can be out of guilt, desire to dynamics, or simply sympathy. However, it often leaves the recipient to feel overwhelmed and confused.

“Flaudlighting in relationships occurs when a partner soon eliminates deep emotions or personal conflicts. Instead of creating intimacy, it may feel heavy. While vulnerability is important, dumping unfiltated emotions quickly is not the same as real emotional relationship, ”says relationship expert Ruchi Ruh.

Some possible reasons are those who do floodlighting are:

• They may have made mistakes in previous relationships or feel unworthy of love, so that they can be excluded from guilt.
• Some believe that being cruelly honest from the beginning will be a strong base for the relationship.
• This can be a way to “warns” his partner about their faults or testing if they will still be accepted despite them.
• Some floodlight as an attempt to introduce raw self -upfronts.
• They can think that acute vulnerability will track intimacy rapidly and create a quick bond.

Floodlighting can also cry in an inadvertent help. But it can be difficult to understand the true intentions of your partner – there is also a chance that they are deliberately doing it.

Regardless, floodlighting puts unnecessary pressure on another person. The situation may feel clearly difficult. In your heart, you can ask the person to stop and warn them about sharing TMI (too much information), but at the same time, you do not want to come as insensitive (especially when they are opening about their life difficulties and trauma).

Fludlighting

This staining of boundaries is the largest negative side of floodlighting.

“The receiving partner may feel obliged to play the doctor rather than being romantic equal. It can also be a red flag for emotional dependence, a person wants verification instead of building mutual belief over time, ”Ruh says.

Ideally, one must first share the relationship dynamic and progressively because couples move together. Nothing to take everything at one time is not real intimacy.

If you ever find yourself with a partner (or potentially partner) that is floodlight you, there are ways to navigate the situation and determine the boundaries. Even if their trauma dumping is a way to test your loyalty or gauge your response to their weaknesses, it is important to remind them that boundaries matters – especially when the bond is still in its early stages.

Accepting their feelings, you want or not, are the first things to do. You do not want to be rude or deepen their trauma. “I suggest to accept someone’s feelings because they can come from a certain place. They are sharing such deep things with you, it is important that you accept, ”Ru says.

But…

While it is important to accept their feelings, it is also important to prioritize yourself. Their trauma dumping can also take a toll on you, as well as havoc for your mental good. What if you are also struggling with personal issues and not bandwidth to meet their issues?

“Remember that you need to set some limits there. So if it is getting heavy, you need to tell them that ‘I know it is important for you to share it, but right now I don’t think I am in a position to understand it better’. So, boundaries will really protect you if you see someone is giving you a flood, ”Ruh says.

Try to assess their intentions as well, and understand that they can be overhears. Are they demanding verification, trying to track intimacy rapidly, or simply struggling with boundaries? Understanding their motivations can help you give proper answer.

If floodlighting becomes a pattern, you should consider taking a straight route.

“If you are looking at a pattern here, as you think they have been overhearsing for the last two days and your boundaries are not even working, then ask them to indulge in self-confidence. Before opening with you, ask them to talk in safe places. You can suggest them to try jernling, talk to your close friend, ”Ruh says.

In the initial stage of a relationship, you do not need to know every detail of one’s past. It is as important to save yourself emotionally as supporting them.